there's a gal who i stalk daily. her name's
jenny lawson, and she's also known as
the bloggess.
my brother-in-law chance introduced me to her writing a few years ago. i think the conversation went something like this:
c: hey, you gotta check out this blog. this chick is freaking hilarious.
t: oh yeah?
c: yeah, she kind of talks like she might be on drugs.
and that, my friends, pretty much sums it up. but in a good way. she's not for everyone, so if you're easily offended, don't say i didn't warn you!
she is so funny and real and crazy and approachable and just, awesome. she is unapologetically honest and
furiously happy. she makes me laugh every time i read her. she's the partner in crime i
never had, which i'm sure is a good thing. whether she's wearing
a wolf or pajama jeans to a premiere, dressing up
taxidermied animals for photo shoots, or posing for amazing portraits in a
traveling red dress, she manages to do it all with humor and style. a few weeks ago she wrote something that hit close to my heart. she wrote about
her struggle with depression. and she started an unofficial silver ribbon movement in blogland. and i love her.
i've dealt with depression for most of my adult life. i've had bad spells before, but the worst was after the birth of our 2nd. and thankfully, i got some help. but it wasn't easy to do. i felt so guilty - why couldn't i just be happy? i had these two wonderful babies, an amazing life, so what was wrong with me?
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| sweet pea on tumblr |
when i finally started seeking help, i had already tried remedies like st. john's wort,
5 HTP, and vitamin b. i went back to our regular doctor (who had recommended the vit b and 5 HTP initially) who sighed, told me to get a babysitter, and acted as if i was wasting his time while i cried. i'm still amazed at that. (we have a new doctor now) i understand that he was suggesting i take time for me. but there was nobody to help. we lived hours from family, out in the country, and with a colicky baby and a toddler, going
anywhere was too overwhelming to handle.
this wasn't too long after tom cruise had his outburst against antidepressants, and i have to admit, my husband agreed with him. when i finally started taking something, i didn't even tell him right away. i couldn't handle being judged when i was already so fragile. it was so hard for him to comprehend what i was dealing with.
but we were in trouble.
i was in trouble. and thankfully, my ob/gyn was someone i felt comfortable enough with to broach the subject. (emma & alex are only 14 months apart, i'd practically been living at his office!) i made an appt, and he talked with me as i bawled, & tried to sort out if anything else was going on. he convinced me that even thought there was no such thing as a "happy" pill, what was the harm in trying medication? what if it actually did help? i'm happy to say it does help. a lot. and my husband realized that it helped too. and we made it through. i still take 100 mg a day of sertraline. and i continue to struggle against it, and accept the fact that there will be days when i can't handle life, when all i can do is cry, when things will feel worse before they get better. but they will get better.

so in honor of the silent struggle so many of us face, and the families that watch, bewildered and helpless, i bought a couple silver ribbon buttons from the bloggess' shop and i am giving them away. just leave me a comment if you'd like to win one. i'll draw 3 names randomly and contact you for your address.
she's right. never give up. depression IS a lying bastard. and thank you jenny, for being so awesome!!
giveaway is now closed