My full time job, of course, is being the wife and mother to my family. Besides being mommy, I am the driver, the shopper, the maid, the cook, the gardener, the referee, the nurse, the accountant, the social coordinator, all of it. (as is every other mom out there, raise your hand, you know who you are!) And all of this other stuff, the blogging and sewing and such, it has to come second. (or never, as the case has been lately! And for a week or two, I was feeling pretty resentful of that. Upset that I never get any time to myself. Exhausted at the end of the day, where even if I tried to stay awake to sew, I wouldn't be making anything worth making. I'm burdened with a lot of quilt guilt right now, bee blocks that are way late, a swap gift that is 75% finished (and late) and deadlines I've had to push back. I haven't been to a KCMQG meeting yet this year! The rare chances I've had to meet up with my stitchy friends have been squeezed in, and were never long enough. Waaah, right? It's a huge pity party, come on in.
I think the most challenging thing about being a parent is that each day, your kids get another day older and require something different. Needs change all the time, schedules fluctuate, homework gets harder (seriously, I can't figure out what they're supposed to even do half the time and my oldest is only in 4th!!) And dividing my time equally between all four kids? Impossible. Spending 15 quality minutes with each kid per day? Again, a struggle. My husband and I have pretty much ignored our own relationship for far too long, and that has added stress on us too. I worry far too much and enjoy far too little. And let's not even talk about laundry. Or the state of my floors.
It all finally caught up with me. I started feeling terrible, with a bunch of pain in my left shoulder, running down my arm and making my fingers tingle and zing. I have a history of neck and upper back pain, so I assumed it was flaring up and was using muscle relaxers, ibuprofen, and stretching to try to get relief. Then I woke up with a cluster of bumps on my palm. After a day or two, they started to show up on my fingers, and my arm ached so much, I was cradling it against my body like it was broken. I saw my chiropractor a few days in, and he was able to give me some relief, but over the weekend it all hit me and I was a blubbery mess. I usually don't realize how bad I'm feeling until I'm bawling in front of a stranger. I went to the hospital clinic and was diagnosed with SHINGLES. Yes, the thing that people ages 60+ get vaccinated for. Absolutely stress related, and (probably) completely preventable. When your own body says "hey you, calm the f*ck down or I'll give you something to freak out about." Well, let's just say, you listen.
I realized this week as my son played in his football game (and was a one man wrecking crew out there, it was awesome!) that I won't be attending fall quilt market for the next decade or so. I would be missing too much in my little's lives. Like hearing my son's name announced during the game. Or watching my daughter master her volleyball serve at practice. Or putting on an big Halloween Carnival fundraiser for their school with just a handful of volunteers. I am so blessed and not really missing out on anything. And don't worry, my husband and I are off to Nashville for a much needed couples vacation in a few weeks. (It will be the first time we've spent more than one night away from our children, at the same time. In 10 years. Yes, I know that is crazy!)
That doesn't mean I won't love seeing all of your quilt market posts, or that I won't be a teeny bit jealous of the fun everyone is having. I'll enjoy following along from here! I won't stop blogging. But I am going to stop worrying about blogging. If I have something to share, I'll share it (although it will probably be on instagram), and I hope you'll all understand that when I'm not here, I'm enjoying my lovely little chaotic life. On that note, let me introduce you to our latest rescue - Lucy.
Lucy was found by a family that had two big dogs and an allergic mom. So when she mentioned on facebook she needed to find a home for this sweet stray, I knew she'd fit in here. My daughter's cat Isabelle passed away recently, and I showed her Lucy's picture. Emma was smitten with her, so I snuck off and brought her home. The kids are so excited to help welcome this shy girl into our pet family.